1P Start

While everyone in the world is either waiting in breathless anticipation to get their hands on a copy of GTA IV or already in their non-stop GTA IV sessions, I’m one of the few people that doesn’t have any plans on playing the game any time soon. Why? Well, here’s my top five reasons I’m not playing the greatest game in the entire universe:

1. I’m Old:

There used to be a time where I got so excited about a video game release that I couldn’t sleep at night. Now I’m 29 years old and in gamer years that’s like ten billion. In my advanced stage of life I’ve got a whole host of other things going on that distract me from playing GTA IV. When I was a kid I’d get the newest game (If my parent’s would buy it for me) and spend every waking minute playing it. Now I’ve got a full time job along with writing on the internets. I’ve got a lady in my life that’s like a plant that needs constant watering. And by watering, I don’t mean sex unfortunately. In the few hours a week I get to play games, I’ve got a ton of them that haven’t been touched or beaten. The last thing I need to do is to get another game that I can’t devote any time to when I have tons of other games collecting dust.

2. GTA IV Overload:

I read a lot of gaming news in order to write for this blog… a lot. I officially became sick of GTA IV the sixtieth time I read an article saying basically, “Is GTA IV going to help Sony or Microsoft More?” Gaming sites, are you officially out of things to talk about? I mean really, is this necessary at all? The only people that should really care about subjects like this are the shareholders of the respective companies, otherwise it’s just fuel for the retards that are embroiled in pointless arguments over which console is better. Enough with shoehorning GTA IV into any article possible and shoving it down our throats (obviously this article is a an exception). Too much coverage on anything turns me off.

3. I’m Poor:

Sixty bucks doesn’t sound like a lot of money if you don’t have any bills or your parents give you anything you want, but the release of this game is just plain bad timing for me. Right now I’ve got a huge money pit of a wedding that I’m dumping cash into… and I’m loving every minute it of it so there’s no need to get mad if you’re reading this, Hun!

4. My Brain Dysfunctions

I’m the first to admit that I’m slightly mentally unstable. In a game like the Grand Theft Auto franchise where you’re presented with a rather open environment full of all kinds of cool things to do, my brain goes even more crazy than usual. I can’t bring myself to focus on one task and this happens in every strata of my life. For example, if I don’t have a task list of what exactly I have to do during the work day I end up staring blankly at my computer screen and drooling, which doesn’t look that great to my boss. When I play a game like Grand Theft Auto, I end up trying to do too much at the same time, which eventually devolves to the point where I get sick of everything and I just drive around running people over before turning it off forever.

5. Personal Taste:

I’m an enormous geek, more so than most people realize. I can hide it fairly well with my sexy exterior of coolness, but inside I’m so geeky that games and films featuring criminals in real life settings don’t get me very excited. The movies and games that I enjoy the most feature some sort of sci-fi, horror, or fantasy bent. Yeah, half the crazy stuff you do in the GTA series is completely implausible, but for me it’s still mired in the real world. Give me a laser gun and some aliens over some gangster thug any day of the week.

Well there you have it. Now that I’ve probably angered the entire gaming community, I must state that while I somehow managed to not get excited at all about the release of GTA IV and I’m not playing it now, that’s only temporary. I’m sure I’ll get it someday and I’ll enjoy the hell out of it, but for now I’ll be the one guy still playing Halo 3 and Rock Band.