1P Start

Wario Ware: Smooth Moves was released to the masses on Monday and it really is a fun game. The whole premise is it throws mini-games at you that you need to complete in 5 seconds or less. The one thing that surprised me was how weird and yet funny the baton holding instructions were. I decided to take pictures of the baton holding instructions and post them here to show those of you who don’t have Wario Ware how silly they are and to give you an understanding on how the game’s mechanics work.

Check back after the break to see all of the instructions.

[Update: My apologizes to IE users. I wasn't aware how big the pictures showed up in IE. I've resized them and now they should look ok.]

This is the most widely used baton hold in the game. And I am actually a pro in the sport of channel surfing.

Ahhh, the umbrella. It’s funny cause when I held the baton this way, I didn’t feel any dignity at all.

Grace, steadiness, and tight shorts. Check. Check. And Check!

I don’t know about you, but when I get a pop quiz, I’m not holding the pencil defiantly. I’m holding it more like “Holy Sh**! Why didn’t I study last night instead of playing The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time?” (remember, I’m 24, so it was a while since I got a pop quiz)

This one is just all together crazy. I’m sorry. Liver and liverymen? I didn’t even know liverymen was a word!

Have you ever tried to take a Samurai’s lunch? Here’s a tip: don’t. They train daily and nightly to defend their lunches.

Yea, either my head goes into the mud pit, or I fall on my ass. Unless you do the “Revenge of the Nerds” trick and just let go all together. Booger was the man.

Where is this place with such great hors d’oeuvres? Wow…that was pretty hard to spell.

Trust me…when you have to hold the baton this way, no matter what your playing, you know you’ll look like an ass.

Yes, it took me years to master the “thumb wrestling” pose. I still have nightmares of the years I wasted perfecting this pose.

Trust me, when your all in, your cards are never unwanted. Unless you lose. Then they end up on the forehead of the person who had the winning hand.

Haha, no witty comment here. This picture is perfect on it’s own.

Wow, I never realized how much grace custodial engineer’s have. Each time they sweep, they’re sweeping order and filth. God bless you custodial engineers.

Well, if you were doing some heavy lifting, you’d have an exaggerated grimace as well.

This is another one of those baton holds that you just feel like an utter ass when performing.

Imagine if french fries were naturally created? Like walking through a field full of french fries… now that I think about it, there’d probably be a lot of broken necks since the ground would somehow be covered in vegetable oil.

This is one of my favorite baton holding instructions. “Let the spirit of the noble sucker punch guide you to victory” Friggin hilarious!

To crush is to create? When your crushing, aren’t you really destroying something? Unless while your crushing your forming whatever was crushed in order to create? Yea, my head hurts too.

This one actually surprised me since I had no idea this game would use the knunchuk…errr, I mean balance stone attachment. And I was injured once in a battle for seconds. The battle was fierce, but I was triumphant in my quest for the last meatball.

Nintendo, Wii, Wario Ware, Smooth Moves, baton holding instructions