Virginia Tech Shootings and My Thoughts
Yesterday, my life changed forever. We all know what happened. I know what I saw going on and what I heard, so I’m not going to get into that. I grew up in Blacksburg, Virginia. I consider NYC and Blacksburg to be my homes in life. Most of you probably never heard of Blacksburg before yesterday’s evil. I sent a text message to a friend across town from my cell phone saying, “People are being gunned down here. Stay off campus.” Looking at that message in my sent list is so surreal and eerie. I feel as if it didn’t even happen. Maybe I am dreaming. My dad is a dean and professor at the college. When I heard a professor may have been shot, I was worried it could have been him. I was actually at the time trying to track him down and see if he wanted to grab some breakfast. That was kind of weird because he always asks me. I never take the time to go out of my way to see if he’d like to grab some McDonalds with me in the morning before his class. Fortunately, he was not at the location…..
Blacksburg is just a little mountain town with a big university in it. We are called the Virginia Tech “Hokies” and the love for our school is contagious around here. If you ever come to a Virginia Tech football game, you would think we were playing for the national championship every game. It’s the strangest atmosphere and it seems like you know everyone. An outsider can stroll into town one day and feel like part of the atmosphere almost instantly. Our entire town was affected because I am certain each person was connected to one of the victims in some way. I left Blacksburg initially when I was 17 years old to join the United States Army. I ended up serving 2 enlistments and also worked for the DOD for a while. I saw combat in 3 countries and that has affected me some as a person, but nothing like yesterday. I would have rather been in Baghdad than Blacksburg yesterday.
I always hated Blacksburg too. The life here was too slow for me. This is why I spent a lot of time in NYC (some while growing up and then as an adult as often as possible). The life of the city was so vibrant. I feel now as if I spent my entire life missing how great it was here. This has always been my fall back in life. After I got divorced and was completely broke, I headed here because it was safe. It was simple and I knew everyone it seemed. I never appreciated the safety net that this town offered me until now. There were no major murders or violent crimes. You can walk through any neighborhood at any time and not be troubled. It wasn’t like the Army and the places I saw in the service. You don’t look over your shoulder here. I think this place helped me get back into the civilian life and get things on track.
It’s no longer the same old Blacksburg. The place I hated my entire life. I wish I could have it back and that’s just not going to happen. I don’t think anything will be the same around here. Around 9pm I headed down the street to 711 to pick up some water and was amazed that hardly any cars were driving down the streets. No one was out and no one was doing anything at all. I’m no punk and I’m fairly tough, but I cried today a couple times. When I heard the news that my friend Ryan was one of the deceased, it felt like someone had just kicked all the wind out of me. I just saw him 2 nights before. We were laughing and joking around. He was a great guy and made everyone laugh. He had so many friends here and will be dearly missed. All the people will be missed. I feel great sorrow for all the families involved and realize this is a wound that will never heal in a community like this.
For the first time in my life I realized that I loved Blacksburg and pretty much everything about it. I know I’ll never get it back and no one else will either. This day will probably live on with me as long as I am alive. The only time I felt even similar to this was on 9/11/01. It shocks me that anyone could savagely kill all these people, most of whom were basically kids. I hope one day we can all find the good in this and I don’t think I am going to take life for granted the way I have in the past. This really hit close to home and I’m not even sure what the implications are yet.
I have read numerous articles concerning this event. Many are trying to claim that video games and Internet porn are responsible for this. I wish that these jerks with special agendas could come down to earth for once and just understand that over 30 innocent lives were just snuffed out of existence. Many others were wounded physically and thousands have been permanently wounded psychologically. I believe now is the time to show your respect to the families of those who died instead of trying to use this event as a catalyst for change in whatever your agenda is. Lives were lost yesterday and that’s what we need to be thinking about. I don’t feel sorry for myself here. I feel bad for families who just lost loved ones. I feel pain for a great friend I will never see again. The world lost a great man today. I feel sorrow for everyone who was killed or wounded by this mad man. Don’t blame video games or use any other pathetic excuses. Blame the man who murdered all these people.
Virginia Tech, shootings, Blacksburg, Virginia, murder
April 17th, 2007 at 12:48 am
Responsibility lies with the shooter and no one else. Kezins hit the nail on the head with this.
”Blame the man who murdered all these people.”
Be strong Will, and don’t be afraid to lean on the people who offer their help to you. It can only help to share, painful as it may be.
April 17th, 2007 at 1:16 am
It’s so easy to say “Sorry for your loss”. The words are inadequate at describing both the sadness felt by those offering support, and the sorrow felt by those who grieve. For now, these inadequate words will have to do. Peace be with you.
April 17th, 2007 at 1:18 am
you are right Shane. many are even blaming the police. these guys did it by the book and had multiple agencies working on it.. even the FBI. so i dont think anyone or anything would have stopped this guy. So he’s the one to blame.
thanks for the support too. the people in our community are definitely touched that people all over the world care.
April 17th, 2007 at 2:50 am
I’ll keep this brief — I know what it’s like to lose loved ones in a senseless act of violence. I lost two family members in the World Trade Center attacks. I do not know if you are a religious man, and I will not press my own religious beliefs on you, but for what little it’s worth, you aren’t alone in this, and should you need someone to talk to, you know where to find me.
God bless, comrade.
April 17th, 2007 at 2:56 am
thanks J.W. You know until yesterday I thought I was actually destigmatized when it comes to death and violence.. mostly from my time in the Army. But this has really affected me more than anything and it’s still not real in my mind. Thank you for the offer and I probably will need to talk it out some the more it sinks in I guess.
Right now, I read all the articles and it seems like I am reading about a far off place or something. Plus the mood in town is so strange.. u could hear a pin drop in a crowd.. like a dream in ways. I am sure reality will continue setting in by the end of the week.
April 17th, 2007 at 3:16 am
[...] Today was one of the saddest and most tragic days in this nation’s history. A lone gunman, obviously crazed and mentally ill, took the lives of at least thirty-two students and injured fifteen others at Virginia Tech University before taking his own life. Without question or doubt our sympathies, thoughts and prayers go out to the families of those effected by this horrible tragedy. Fellow 451 family member Kezins was actually there, and has written a harrowing first-person account over at 1PStart. There is no justification for this. There is nothing anyone can say that will make you go “Oh, ok.” The acts of this man will never be justifiable, and no amount of police explanation as to why he did what he did will take away the hurt. Now, more than ever, is a time to support those who survived, and grieve for those who were lost. There was a story that I read about Liviu Librescu, a professor who barricaded the door to the classroom as his students escaped. As they climbed out, the sounds of gunshots filled the classroom that they had just fled. [...]
April 17th, 2007 at 5:57 am
I tried to post you a message in the Forum, but the net swallowed it. I just wanted to know I am thinking of you and of all the people around you. Be gentle on yourself - healing takes time. I can’t think of words to express how sad the shootings makes me.
April 17th, 2007 at 9:35 am
Well written, Don’t really know what else to say. But like they say Guns,Porn and Video Games don’t kill people. People kill people. Anyone who doesn’t blame this guy is part of the overall problem.
April 17th, 2007 at 9:36 am
I agree Syko. People are going to keep pointing fingers of course, and it’s just not productive and also completely misses what’s important here.
April 17th, 2007 at 11:58 am
The media will give you any reason to blame video games I even heard someone throw pornography in there! It is rediculuos. The only one to blame is the cruel and demented mind of the shooter. Stop blaming everyone else, how will anyone every better themself that way? I have played violent games since I was 7 and I am one of the most docile and kind hearted people you can ever meet, so that is BS! My heart goes out to everyone the familes and friends especially and to you Kezins. I have been holding back tears at work all day and have been vety down. I wanted to do something positive so I compiling a thought and prayers book. For all those interested right a comment, send a poem, art anything and please spread the word!
To leave your thoughts, your support or gift either through
photography, music, poetry or art go to the link below and leave your
regards! Please spread the word about this. I want to get as much
support for them as possible thank you.
http://babylinda.herhangout.com/2007/04/17/gift-for-v-tech-prayers-and-wishes-book/
April 17th, 2007 at 12:05 pm
Man, this is such a terrible thing. I wish I could help out somehow, but there’s nothing anyone can do really. Stay strong, man.
April 17th, 2007 at 12:06 pm
I’m in the UK. I’m watching film of young people being carried out of university buildings with tears in my eyes. What a dreadful loss of life. I am 72 this year. In my head I’m 40. I think of all the things I’ve done in this life and feel so sad so many young folk are denied an opportunity to have their own life-experiences. I don’t think the killings were ’senseless’ The killer knew he was ennding life. He was too young to know how much life he was ending. My deepest sympathies to all’
April 17th, 2007 at 4:21 pm
April 17th, ‘07
As I sit here in the University of Utah’s Marriott Library, where I love it, I’ve noticed the atmosphere is almost somber on the campus today. Certainly it’s much quieter, than usual, because not much talking is going on at the moment.
At the one place where I feel free ownership of my thoughts, without being pressured by others to think as they want me to for different reasons, I don’t sense any threat to academic freedom because of the horrible shootings at Virginia Tech. However I did do something it never before even occurred to me to do. As I walked onto the campus today I gazed around visualizing a person going from one building to another shooting, on a murderous rampage, and the deeply profound realization that such a terrible thing could happen anywhere really brought the tragedy at Virginia Tech home for me.
My heart-felt sympathies I graciously extend to those who’ve lost loved ones, friends and classmates of those students gunned down, the family of the professor who was in his classroom teaching and I’m sure never dreamed his life would end in his classroom doing what I’m sure he enjoyed which was teaching, everybody else at Virginia Tech, Blacksburg, and the whole Commonwealth. Initially I thought “What’s become of Virginian Founding Fathers’ beloved Virginia?” Some of my own family roots are in the Commonwealth going back to the Revolution, for which I’m very proud to call myself half Virginian, the other half of my family settled in part of the old Northwest Territory of Illinois.
These and so many other things went through my mind earlier today as I watched on TV the convocation, held on the Virginia Tech campus, and bowed my head as tears filled up my eyes. For all those at Virginia Tech, God be with you in your loss and protect you ever more.
Thanks, for letting me speak. God take extra special care of you all at Virginia Tech, and in our “Mother” State.
Sincerely,
Kathy Caudle
Salt Lake City, UT
April 17th, 2007 at 6:54 pm
Hey Kezins. This is “bullet.” I’m changing my name from “bullet” to “hermit.” I don’t get out much and under the circumstances, I think a name change is appropriate. Sorry to hear you were personally affeceted by what happened. I’m not good at this sort of thing but…surround yourself with friends. Friends at a time like this are more important than at any other time. Hope your feeling better sometime soon. Take a break, give yourself some time. Talk to your friends. Take care.
April 18th, 2007 at 2:35 am
thanks for all the comments. hermit… nice name change.. i dont think anyone is good with saying stuff.. particularly me. I apologize for my content decline this week, but it is just increasingly difficult to concentrate. I promise everyone I am going to find whatever strength I can and get back to as close to normal as i can in the near future. It’s hard to explain but right now I am continually shifting between anger, sadness and denial. more and more, it seems like a bad dream that isn’t real. it may take me a little time, but it’s just something i’ve never really felt before.
April 18th, 2007 at 7:30 am
Take your time Kezins. You don’t owe anything to us that come visit this site. You’ll come back when your ready. The people that visit this site don’t know you, but you know we all support you. You know how we feel about what happended. Take it easy and take your time returning.
April 20th, 2007 at 12:49 am
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