Neversoft Announces: Tony Hawk’s Proving Ground
Being heralded by a chorus of groans, Tony Hawk’s Proving Ground has just been announced. Due to release around the same time frame as EA’s skate, the inevitable showdown will commence soon. The real question is… who will win?
Ahem.
1P Start Presents: Masterpiece Cinema
Grab your popcorn, the movie starts below.
EA: All right. I’m making a new game. The battle of the skateboarding genre has begun. It ends when our games are released, and the public decides which game is great, and which game is dead.
Neversoft: But it’s so simple. We have shoved countless sequels down the public’s throat, with each serving being a worse concoction than the last! Now a clever man would know that such a scheme would always work, because consumers are known to be great fools. You must have realized how clever our scheme was, would have counted on it, so we clearly have no need to improve our system.
EA: You’ve made your decision then?
Neversoft: Not remotely. For we know that your system usually involves including some useless “build your own crib” aspect, so our inclusion of that system will be the killing stroke!
EA: Truly, you have a dizzying intellect.
Neversoft: Wait till I get going! Now, where was I?
EA: Cribs.
Neversoft: Yes, cribs. You must have suspected we would copy your useless ideas, would have counted on it, so we can only divine that your own additions will be as worthless as ours!
EA: You’re just stalling now.
Neversoft: You’d like to think that, wouldn’t you? You’re a giant corporation, known for creating crappy games with insane production values. So we obviously cannot beat your financial strength. But in having that strength you have become stagnant, so we clearly have no fear of your creative abilities.
EA: You’re trying to trick me into giving away something. It won’t work.
Neversoft: IT HAS WORKED! YOU’VE GIVEN EVERYTHING AWAY! I KNOW HOW TO WIN!
EA: Then send out a press release.
Neversoft: I will, our title will include - What in the world can that be?
[Neversoft gestures up and away from the table. EA looks. Neversoft steals EA’s create-your-own skate videos concept]
EA: What? Where? I don’t see anything.
Neversoft: Well, I- I could have sworn I saw something. No matter. First, let’s send out press releases.
EA, Neversoft: [Emails Sent]
EA: Your fans hate you.
Neversoft: You only think they hate us! That’s what’s so funny! I stole content when your back was turned! Ha ha! You fool! You fell victim to one of the classic blunders! The most famous is never get involved in a land war in Asia, but only slightly less well-known is this: never go in against Tony Hawk when genre domination is on the line! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! Ha ha ha…
[Neversoft stops suddenly, Tony Hawk series dies]
1P Start: And to think, all that time it was your game that would stop them.
EA: We had nothing to do with it… they simply killed their own franchise.
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