Did the Virginia Tech Murders Rob Me Of My Love For Halo 2?
I love playing Halo 2. Anyone who is my friend knows that. I’ve been playing it for years. Sometimes, almost every night. But I haven’t played a match since last weekend. Since the incident at Virginia Tech.
Upon learning about the new Halo 2 maps, I decided to go ahead and download them to play a couple quick matches because it was one of my greatest loves in life. As soon as I got into the game, I was overwhelmed by the other players who were coming at me and shooting. I could no longer think about Halo. I thought about the murders I was here for on Monday morning. I really freaked out and it scared me. I still feel shaken after the game. I can’t walk down the street and hear someone hammering nails without me thinking someone is being shot. Today, I felt a little uplifted. I was focusing on the great memories I had of my friend who was killed. I thought about how if he were here, he would try to make people happy. Halo made me so happy in the past. I want that back. I do not consider these types of games to be violent. Video games do not cause violence. However, I am certain that real life violence can change the meaning of the game.
Obviously I am still very shaken up. Yesterday was when I got my first bit of sleep, my friends had to wake me up because I was twitching, rolling and yelling out phrases in my sleep. I’ve also been working extra shifts here and trying to figure out a plan to get to a memorial in Georgia on Saturday. I don’t consider myself mentally ill, but this week has rocked my foundation and changed me forever. I am seeing a counselor about this and will be working myself back to the old Kezins. I will not let this bastard take away my love for games either. It just may take some time. I don’t exactly know how long, but it will not be easy.
On a personal note, I would like to thank everyone in the world who has supported our great Hokies. We are Virginia Tech and we are a very proud group of people here. I would also like to thank the 451 Community and BB who has been awesome through this and not demanding much of me. 1PStart is a vision I share with BB and I plan to support it to the best of my ability and work my way back into things.
April 19th, 2007 at 11:23 am
It really is a shame and this proves that games dont cause violence it is the other way around. Hopefully you will be able to play it again and just think of it as a fun game for now play elebits or DDR. Happy games!
April 19th, 2007 at 11:29 am
Hope things get easier Kezins, that was alot to go through.
I myself have no ties to VT but I decided to take a couple days off from resistance: fall of man, with last night being my first time on since. Still felt wierd and I too was a little freaked out at first.
April 19th, 2007 at 11:56 am
I’m glad you took that positive step and are talking to a counselor. A lot of people don’t do that, and instead try to deal with the pain by themselves…which is why things like this happen in the first place. Some things are just bigger than ourselves. Praying for you are all the post-shooting victims who are working through this difficult time.
April 19th, 2007 at 12:36 pm
I’m always the one to try to lift spirits and all, so what I’d recommend you do is get yourself a copy of Pokemon this weekend. You gotta come back into gaming slowly but surely. First Pokemon, then move up to Frogger, then a Mario game, and then, after all of that preparation, you can maybe get back into Halo.
You got a long road to recovery my friend, and you know I’m always around to help whenever you need me.
April 19th, 2007 at 1:08 pm
love you
April 19th, 2007 at 2:00 pm
I heard viva pinata is an under appreciated game.
April 19th, 2007 at 5:45 pm
Racing games might be good. Every second your racing you have to concentrate so it will keep your mind off those things that are bothering you. It doesn’t involve weapons, and who doesn’t enjoy driving a nice sports car?
April 19th, 2007 at 7:49 pm
There’s no rush Kez. We’ll save a spot for you. Whenever you’re ready. 2 days, 2 months or Halo 3. Just take the time you need to be healthy.
April 19th, 2007 at 11:28 pm
I received a lot of hate mail today saying things such as “your friend deserved to die” etc etc. I’m not asking people to feel sorry for me when I write about stuff like this. So many others have it much, much worse. I am just trying to understand what happened and it helps to write about it. I also think that maybe other people would be interested in reading from my point of view. I have not been descriptive in my accounts for a reason also. I could write about the things here that are worse than any horror movie I have seen, but I am not focusing on the details for a reason. If you want to disagree with me on anything, I am fine with that.. I love debates. But, please have some decency. We did not deserve what happened here.
I was going to say something angry in response to the one guy, but this is what i will say.. it’s not complete either, but it’s what we know so far:
Ross Abdallah Alameddine
Christopher James Bishop
Brian Roy Bluhm
Ryan Christopher Clark
Austin Michelle Cloyd
Jocelyne Couture-Nowak
Kevin P. Granata
Matthew Gregory Gwaltney
Caitlin Millar Hammaren
Jeremy Michael Herbstritt
Emily Jane Hilscher
Jarrett Lee Lane
Matthew Joseph La Porte
Henry J. Lee
Liviu Librescu
Partahi Mamora Halomoan Lumbantoruan
Lauren Ashley McCain
Daniel Patrick O’Neil
J. Ortiz-Ortiz
Minal Hiralal Panchal
Daniel Alejandro Perez
Erin Nicole Peterson
Michael Steven Pohle, Jr.
Julia Kathleen Pryde
Mary Karen Read
Reema Joseph Samaha
Waleed Mohamed Shaalan
Leslie Geraldine Sherman
Maxine Shelly Turner
Nicole White
April 19th, 2007 at 11:32 pm
thanks Somewhat. I will definitely be back.. i know it, just gonna take some time i think. the bad times in life are when the good and bad people make themselves known. You my friend are definitely one of the good people.
Everyone wear orange and maroon tomorrow. I am so appreciative of the good people in the world who are helping support us. Without them, we wouldn’t make it.
April 19th, 2007 at 11:36 pm
It’s a good thing my middle name is Orlando, or else I’d be getting a lot of phone calls and emails asking if I was killed. (My real name is Daniel Perez for those of you who like trivia)
April 20th, 2007 at 1:19 am
yeah I actually saw that and it was a little weird.
April 20th, 2007 at 1:50 am
There are a lot of dumbass people around. I’ve been around long enough to know that. I also know your smart enough to know those dumbass people that would send hate mail are among the few, not the many. We don’t know each other Kezins, in fact I’m from Canada, but my condolences to you. I hope you find some peace of mind in the time ahead. Nothing like that has happened to me, to lose a friend or friends like that. I’ve tried to imagine what’s it’s like but I can’t wrap my head around it. I want to say the right thing but I really don’t know what to say. Your Canadian neighbour from the north hopes you find peace. If you ever journey to the north, look for a friendly bearded guy eating Canadian bacon and maple syrup sitting beside a beaver chewing on a hockey stick in an igloo guarded by a mountie. That’ll be me. Did I leave any stereotype out? I hope I didn’t…eh. Video games are about fun. Nothing more, nothing less. The violence in people is embedded in themselves, not the games. The question of why their violent can’t be answered by a video game. Take care.
April 20th, 2007 at 1:53 am
hermit, yeah i’m definitely going to try and not focus at all on the negative people. the good still outweighs the bad when it comes to people.
April 20th, 2007 at 11:44 pm
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April 21st, 2007 at 11:19 am
Get over yourself.
Nobody cares about it
April 21st, 2007 at 12:21 pm
Gotta love some of the compassionate readers of our blog
April 22nd, 2007 at 4:41 am
Wow, McBarry, representing a generic internet poster to the fullest. Ass.
Just read this post for my first time now, I know “its just a game” .. but no longer are we in the days of just mario and all his 8-bit sprite goodness, things are realistic looking, and though they may or may not be meant to invoke negative things.. well actually I am really sure they are not, they still.. might. I don’t know where I was going with my point now, but Kezins, get better man, had no clue how close you were to the tragedy. I still look forward for you and ’somewhat’ to add me on your lists so I can take you both on in some 1 flag at lock out (yes, I am that good, I can stop the both of you, as well as get the flag all myself!)
September 28th, 2007 at 3:53 pm
Everyone has their own point of view. Games are a great form of entertainment.
December 22nd, 2007 at 11:57 am
Hey, Kezins. A fellow hokie here; just bumbled onto your post while googling for pics of Tech. I just wanted to say that I understand; I’ve had some trouble watching action movies with a lot of shooting, myself, and, even though I was on campus, I wasn’t even close to any of the violence of April 16th. I can imagine how Halo would be even more shaky. Anyway, best of luck. I understand that you were close to some of the victims, too. Actually, if you got to a funeral in Georgia, I suspect that we were close to the same one. We will never forget him. Thanks to your whole crew here, too, because it is comforting to me to see how they support you.
Hokies United: We will prevail!