1P Start

You know, it would take a feat of extraordinary measure for batshit crazy attorney Jack Thompson to render me speechless. But somehow… some way… Thompson found a way.

So what did this man, who has previously blamed Bill Gates for the Virginia Tech shootings, attacked both Halo 3 and Bully, and even used his own child to further his insane beliefs, do to make me literally choke on my cider?

…he mailed gay porn to a US District Court Judge! I have but one question for Jack Thompson: When you dove off the deep end, did you bring a shovel with you to dig deeper once you hit bottom?

GamePolitics has a more detailed account of what happened, but I’ll boil it down for you after the break.

(more…)

NOTE: I was gonna include this in the inagural 1PStart version of “t3h w31rd”, but… no. This is too good.

At the time I write this, the high bid on this early copy of Halo 3 is $162.50. This is not for the helmet. Hell, this isn’t even for the Collector’s Edition box set. Someone has willingly offered to pay $162.50 for the regular ol’ Halo 3.

Why? So you can get it a few days earlier than everyone else? Dude, while you’re playing through your regular ol’ Halo 3, I’ll be standing in line with some of the most die-hard and passionate gamers on the planet, waiting to get my hands on my Legendary Edition Halo 3 (the helmet), which comes with a ton of bonus material. And you know what?

I’ll STILL be paying less than you, dingle berry. So, to you Mr. “7***a”, I hope you enjoy your copy of Halo 3. Lord knows that by the time you get it, I’ll be trying to get my cat to wear the helmet.

And to YOU, Mr. Auctioner… what are you? Freaking retarded?

[eBay]

Microsoft, Xbox 360, Bungie, Halo 3, eBay

Some of you have seen the new Halo 3 Ad entitled “The Museum,” that many gaming sites posted about earlier this week. It’s actually a pretty serious commercial, showing the emotions of war, specifically those promised of Halo 3. Well, what is war with out the smack talking of an online community? Someone made their own version of “The Museum,” and made it a little more realistic in the Xbox Live world. I recommend checking out the original first, and then watch this one here for a good loling:

Well it turns it that Lair, the failing AAA title for the PS3, has a “Hot Coffee” cheat code just like the one found in GTA: San Andreas. No, it’s not intercourse between dragons or anything like you medieval perverts were hoping, but just a boring segment of coffee being made. To me, this is kind of a letdown of the almighty “Hot Coffee” code, and gives it a bad name. A Hot Coffee code should become a tradition to gamers, something to rub it in Jack Thompson’s wrinkled face, not actually hot coffee.

Hopefully we will start to see more Hot Coffee segments in games, and next time I hope that it is entertaining enough that it makes the ESRB says, “WTF?”

[Via PS3Fanboy]

PS3, Lair, Hot Coffee

So, have you ever seen a bad review for Bioshock? Of course you havn’t. Practically every reviewer has rated it in the top 90%, claiming it is the best game of the year, and that it is Game of the Year material. Though I don’t disagree with that, it is always good to look on the other side, and look at Bioshock in a negative maner. Why? Because it’s funny as hell.

Check out the awesomely bad Bioshock review where even if you are a Bioshock fanboy, you won’t be able to resist agreeing with this guy.

[Escapist Magazine]

Xbox 360, Bioshock, Bioshock Review, Escapist Magazine

Don’t know what a Goatse is? Then you probably just passed this one on by while OD’ing on plasmids and shocking everything in sight. However, if you did know what a Goatse is, then you probably laughed your ass off or thrown up like most of you do while witnessing the almighty Goatse.

Here it is, one of the best Easter Eggs in video gaming history.

Black Market skateboards has decided to create a non-licensed Nintendo Skateboard. Though it doesn’t say “Wii” on it, the exact clone of the design of the Wii Remote may anger Nintendo a tad bit, and force them to legally take on the hardcore skater industry. Skate off, anyone?

Besides, the only Tony Hawks game for the Wii sucks to the max. I didn’t even know that skateboarders played the Wii. I kid I kid. Warning: After many board slides, it is possible that the speaker in the center may not work anymore, but that’s ok, right? It doesn’t sound that good anyway.

[Thanks, Kotaku.]

Many believe that wearing a turtle-neck’d sweater in public is the nerdiest thing you can do, but now, those believers will be shunned incorrect due to the mega-nerdiness of the new Space Invaders Sweater. This sweater is hand-knitted, and customized to fulfill any gamer’s satisfaction. Though for $60 a pop, I’d recommend buying Bioshock instead. That game keeps you warm in a different way.

However, if you are the one that creates these and have some extra yarn laying around, I would LOVE one.

[Via Etsy]

We all love fanboys and fangirls, especially when they are so loyal to their company of choice that they just make a complete ass of themselves. A writer from the “Sony Defense Force” website has just posted up a review about the extremely highly rated and anticipated title, Bioshock. Despite the extremely high ratings that this game has already received, this writer has decided, in a somewhat bad choice of words, to give Bioshock a 5/10.

After many months of anticipation I finally got my copy of Bioshock and played through it over the past few days. There are many things to like about Bioshock such as the graphics (not animation), parts of the story and the water effects. That’s about where the good stuff ends.

I don’t know about you, but I would take IGN’s 9.7/10 review over this, any day. But hey, everyone can voice their opinion, right? I didn’t know that Sony even needed a “Defense Force.”

[Via]

There are always a few food and candy related stages in the Katamari Damacy series that always makes you hungry, but not any more hungry for sweets than this awesome looking cake. Though it may be a little bit dirty, (because it has been rolling on the floor,) this very well crafted and decorated cake with a TON of frosting is sure to ease the appetite of any type of gamer. Mmmm, frosting.

Kudos the the blogster that posted this from Vox.com, and thanks to ImPerial99 Digg user for this tip. Now, can I please have a slice?

Katamari Damacy, Cake

Camy International LOVES the Wii. In fact, they love it so much, that they have decided to create an “Ultimate Hero Pack” so that you can “Unleash Your Hero.” Stick in that Wii Remote and Nunchuck into the perfectly crafted Zelda props, (Hyrule Shield & Sword,) and stand back, so you can put forth the ultimate fury of Wii pwnage.

Sure, I may be making all of this up since I haven’t played with these toys, but I’m sure it would be fun for a while, especially if you are an extreme Zelda fan. The only thing that might become odd is using the sword and shield while in the wolf form in Twilight Princess. Or, using the Hyrule shield in a game like Resident Evil: Wii Edition. Camy International isn’t advertising this to be Zelda only, but “Plug-In-Play.” If you decide to use the sword addon while playing Super Monkey Ball, please send me a photo.

The Ultimate Kit says to be coming to a store near you soon, so keep a look out. GameStop bargain bin, anyone?

[Link] (Pun Intended)

Zelda, Twilight Princess, Wii, Peripherals

I guess if I was a rock star too, I would do the same thing being mentioned in this comic, just to make many gamers go insane. Check out xkcd for more hilarious comics.

Just look at that fret board; would that even be possible?

Leigh, from MTV’s TRL who tossed donuts and won the limited edition and very expensive Simpson’s Xbox 360, has put her unique 1 out of 100 manufactured console up on eBay. Some say she’s a gamer, and some say she’s just trying to make some D’oh, (pun intended.) The listing has surpassed $4000, with a generous $20 shipping, but the inclusion of herself in the product photos might have been a mistake.

The questions that eBay users are asking poor Leigh are either hilarious, or sad on her part. My favorite:

“Q: Wow, your gorgeous. Are you included in the auction? Well, goodluck!
A: No. I am not for sale. Slavery has been abolished. “Amendment XIII: Section 1. Neither slavery nor involuntary servitude, except as a punishment…”

There are many others on the page just like this, some even more crude. Users are even accusing her of shill bidding. C’mon people, would you really like to have a limited and rare console and get the red ring of death on it? I’m sure the Microsoft support member that you call will definitely know which extension to send you to. Anyway, just read the questions for some good laffs, and bid on the console if you have the cash. Then again, if you do have that amount of cash, drop me an email and I could sell you my 360 for a “good price.”

[Xbox 360 Simpson's Listing Questions]

Peter Jackson seems to really be a big Halo fan, as his WETA has just built a real life Warthog.

“The dudes at WETA made a Warthog. I don’t mean that they made a big plastic thing that looks like a Warthog. I mean they built a fully-functioning, four-wheel steering, powerful, off-road vehicle with a machine gun on the back. At the correct scale. If you live near Wellington, New Zealand, you might even see some crazy machine-shop dude from WETA fishtailing around your base, ahem, I mean neighborhood.

What’s it for? Well, a couple of things – one of which will be one of the shorts coming from director Neill Blomkamp. We sort of blindsided you guys with the first short (Arms Race) – it had little to no context or explanation, but when you see it as it was originally intended – as part of an overall narrative, you might just pee your pants. And if you don’t, then the picture below will certainly cause some leakage. “

I wonder what the insurance is like on this thing.

[Via]

How would you like to go swimming with your spam email. Cool, right? I’ve always wanted to take a vacation with my male enhancement spams, it would be great. Sense the sarcasm; it seems as if someone is trying to make a mmorpg out of your inbox. Sorry, but I’d rather watch Harry Potter 10 times with no break. Ok, well, maybe not.

Downloaders beware, I don’t know what kinds of scary things are hidden under this executable.